Updates for May

04May09

Until I get a job, or Allen teaches me how to hack my cable box, the updates will be few and far between.

My court date is set for May 11th. I met with my public defender this week and she was more optimistic than last time. Due to the circumstances she hopes to get my felony reduced to a misdemeanor & have part of my settlement be random drug/alcohol tests. We’ll see. I guess the good news is that it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be in jail on the 12th. Knowing that has allowed me to breathe a little easier and given me a little hope for each tomorrow, which is good, because I’ve been battling depression a lot lately. And now that I don’t have alcohol to escape the depression, dealing with it is much harder than before.

Part of the depression is a lack of job. This city doesn’t really have the kind of industries my skill-set is for. Thusly, I’m over-qualified (or wrongly qualified) for the jobs I have applied for. Gas station cashier, waiter at Cracker Barrel, etc… anyone who’s known me for longer than five years ever imagined that? God knows I never saw it, but humility has pushed aside pride. I’d rather survive than die.

A few weeks ago, I went to the optometrist. I have hemmorging in all four quadrants of both eyes. I don’t need glasses, which means I could go straight from seeing fine, to blindness. Fun. /sarcasm. I don’t know. I’ve had 28 years to mentally prepare for the complications of diabetes. And while losing my eye sight is right under dying, it just hasn’t hit me yet because of all the other things I’m waiting to resolve in my life.

So, the good things…

I haven’t cursed God, I haven’t laid blame on anything or anyone else, I haven’t lost hope. Whenever life wants me back, I’m ready.

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Tags: Me, my life