I love anything that mocks absurdity.

Working with this footage from Spiff, I am really impressed by his HD camera. Beautiful.

I’ll post the end result here once the release is approved.

Within just a few days of getting connected again (TXT & Internet), I have a folder full of material for Rick Ross (multi-platinum rap artist) on my desktop, waiting to be edited.

God it feels good.

This line of thought could be applied to nationalism…

Unrelated: For those keeping score at home, it’s been 91 days without meds or alcohol.

Sometimes, throwing it against the wall just isn’t enough after you get off the phone with “customer service.“

Until I get a job, or Allen teaches me how to hack my cable box, the updates will be few and far between.

My court date is set for May 11th. I met with my public defender this week and she was more optimistic than last time. Due to the circumstances she hopes to get my felony reduced to a misdemeanor & have part of my settlement be random drug/alcohol tests. We’ll see. I guess the good news is that it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be in jail on the 12th. Knowing that has allowed me to breathe a little easier and given me a little hope for each tomorrow, which is good, because I’ve been battling depression a lot lately. And now that I don’t have alcohol to escape the depression, dealing with it is much harder than before.

Part of the depression is a lack of job. This city doesn’t really have the kind of industries my skill-set is for. Thusly, I’m over-qualified (or wrongly qualified) for the jobs I have applied for. Gas station cashier, waiter at Cracker Barrel, etc… anyone who’s known me for longer than five years ever imagined that? God knows I never saw it, but humility has pushed aside pride. I’d rather survive than die.

A few weeks ago, I went to the optometrist. I have hemmorging in all four quadrants of both eyes. I don’t need glasses, which means I could go straight from seeing fine, to blindness. Fun. /sarcasm. I don’t know. I’ve had 28 years to mentally prepare for the complications of diabetes. And while losing my eye sight is right under dying, it just hasn’t hit me yet because of all the other things I’m waiting to resolve in my life.

So, the good things…

I haven’t cursed God, I haven’t laid blame on anything or anyone else, I haven’t lost hope. Whenever life wants me back, I’m ready.

Heh, I can relate… sometimees.

“We don’t grow up. We grow into & out of things.“
-M. Wade Nichols

I lost my internet connection(s) at the house, so I’m publishing this from the library. Don’t expect updates any time soon.

Oops.

An interesting thing happened tonight. While at the poker table, a gentleman who’s good friends with my father & I, grabbed my card holder and asked what it was.

My 30 days, A.A. chip.

Your what?

A.A., Alcoholics Anonymous.

What?! You’re an alcoholic.?

Do these LOOK like crack addict arms

I would have never of thought it. I thought you were on crack or something, but not an alcoholic.

Him, I and a few other guys laughed. He went on to explain.

Hell, you’re so skinny and your father is… your father [weight/size].

We laughed again.

That was kind of another first step. Talking about it so openly on my blog or at meetings is one thing. Saying it so bluntly in front of those I see all the time in real life, was different. Different, but good.

It’s scary, in a good way, when you can go somewhere for 10 hours & not even know it.

$5 in the tournament (33 people) & I finished 6th, no money. I turned around and played the cash game ($50 buy-in) for 5 hours and walked away with $25 profit. I was up $100, but didn’t leave because it was early and would have been bad poker etiquette.

Next time I’ll play less hands when I get that much up and cash out after some more time has passed.

Anyway, home now (5am) and eating homemade cajun boiled peanuts. Yum.

(p.s. I had pocket Queens 4 times at the cash game, not once did they pay off.)