Posts Tagged ‘emotions’

Forced Esteem

14Mar09

I came across an old e-mail from a girl friend of mine and sent her the following message.
So I did a search for “puppies” in my email to find photos of my mom’s new dogs and I came across this email (with photos) from you.
Just thought I’d let you know, you’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone [...]


“I’m the one who died from the safety net and the one who never wanted it.“
-M. Wade Nichols


“I wish I could see in black & white or think in shades of grey, but I rage with red, cry in blue & know 59 others by name.“
-M. Wade Nichols


Mad as Hell

06Mar09

Howard Beale: I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in [...]


A music video mash-up with the movie “Girl, Interrupted” & Jack Off Jill’s, “Strawberry Gashes.“
Well done, considering the lyrics and film’s content.


“So excited, I had to dance before the dance.“
-M. Wade Nichols


“It’s hard to be scared when you know the demons by name.“
-M. Wade Nichols


“The flutter of its wings tickled my nose and woke me to your call of apology.”
“Everything is connected.”
“I’ll see you soon.“
-M. Wade Nichols


I’ve been finding a lot of these kinds of quotes lately. APPLY THEM PEOPLE!


“Love doesn’t see obligation or debt.” -M. Wade Nichols


…as hundreds watch, only to “help” after it’s too late.
Click the image below to enlarge it so that you can read it.
I have flash video of the final moments when the cops break down the door with a medic. If you want it, email me.
And reading what he had to say in his suicide note, [...]


The changes.
Nine months ago, I couldn’t drive 1 mile to buy something from the local convenient store.
Now, I drive hundreds of miles a week, by myself.
Nine months ago, I couldn’t shower or take a bath without someone at home with me.
Now, I do it whenever, without worrying about someone finding me naked in the tub, [...]


Today i put on my grandfather’s shoes. The soft & strong leather wrinkled areas about, like the laugh lines of his face. The weathered shine that had endured years of wear, reminded me of the glow about him, even in the last days of his life.
The shoes, fit so perfect, however, i am far from [...]


The marks are my own
Inflicted & sustained
A song once sang
faced with nothing, I want pain.
I feel so much
deeper than skin
I protect what’s within
by keeping you, at end.
Do you want me?
Obligation or something more?
I’ll assume what your efforts are for
as long as you never lose sight of my core.


Why I Talk

02Oct08

Much has been said about how much I share and talk.
With the passing of my grandfather, I had confirmation of how and who I am.
I’ll try my best to protect your privacy & emotions, but my nature is to share and relate. Nothing is ever malicious and I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. The [...]


Sometimes, I hope I die an early death of brain cancer, so you know I was never lying. I hope you read the list in my cold, dead hand and see your name on it- who I didn’t want in my life and who I don’t want at my funeral.
This is my reverse eulogy.
I hope [...]


…was good.


Who I am, how I am, regarding my personality, is defined. Very defined.
I’ve changed slightly over my 29 years, but the core of me has remained true. I’m sick & I’m tired of playing a role. We all have roles, but they should be ones that we want and choose, not ones we’re given.
The [...]


To Those

01Mar08

Thank you…
Dyanna for the conversations between errands
Bethany for the home to cook dinner in
Tia & John for the game night
Justin for the friendship we once had, that lasts
Dad for the effort
Joe & Jamie for the change of scenery and company
Mom for the phone calls
Penny for making me feel useful
Casey & Kailey for the remote conversations
Katie [...]


Childhood

25Feb08

“A picture is worth a thousand words and infinite emotions.“


I originally wrote this as a comment, but wanted to make it more visible.
I keep reflecting on the night.
My manhood & maturity, kept being called into question. I took the grabs & pushes with my arms outstretched. I responded to the insults and attacks with diffusing words, repeating, “Don’t worry, we’re leaving. We’re leaving.” [...]


“I told her what she wanted to hear, even though it killed me.“


I’ll walk til I crawl
Crawl til I slither
Bleed my bowels
from the skin they wither
I’ll do all these things
of the storm you weather
A cloud among night
Your iridescent feather
If a sun, the morn does mother
I’ll gather myself & reconsider


The End.

11Feb08

I’ve got marks on my body, that I’m not sure where they came from. I’ve got scars on the heart that I’m wearing for the “love” you give my loved ones. I’ve got a thousand words for your two ears, the math & your ignorance makes it impossible to speak. I’ve got people in my [...]


sip the love

09Feb08

how many times have you told me shh? how many times have i heard, but listened to my heart instead?
i can’t stop.
every second you remain is every reassurance i need.
i could leave or toy with the words, both giving me what i need. i’m never far away, but my lungs are full and spilling.
you sip [...]


[From April 2005]
My official response to all of this is that it’s fuckin bullshit. You know, for the record and all.
As far as I’m concerned, that was between her and I. And from the recent past, she should know that I do respect her wishes and try to accommodate her demands- whether I feel they’re [...]


Mill Springs in Kentucky

For new readers, here are links to previous wedding posts.
1. Infinity & 8
2. 4th Year Anniversary
3. Dress & Ring
4. Proposal Past PM


Anxiet(me)

05Feb08

A friend called me around 1:30am the other night, crying & shaking. She asked what a panic attack felt like. We continued to talk for a good 30 minutes, but after we hung up I began to think about how misunderstood the disorder is. So, I wanted to write about the past seven years of [...]


FightingWindmills tagged me, as one of their newer acquaintances, with the Favorite Posts Meme which offers a second chance to older, perhaps forgotten posts.
Rules: Go back through your archives and post the links to your five favorite blog posts that you’ve written.
Link One must be about family.
Link Two must be about friends.
Link Three must be [...]


Too Late

04Feb08

“Oh Yes” by Charles Bukowski
there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it’s too late
and there’s nothing worse
than
too late.