Heh, I can relate… sometimees.

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From A Softer World.

“Oddities are harvested with a timely hand & tasted with a tongue that understands.“

-M. Wade Nichols

I came across an old e-mail from a girl friend of mine and sent her the following message.

So I did a search for “puppies” in my email to find photos of my mom’s new dogs and I came across this email (with photos) from you.

Just thought I’d let you know, you’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone else (including yourself) tell you otherwise

Later that day, she replied with the following.

Aww, that was very sweet. I was just having an issue with my bf about my need for reassurance. Maybe your daily affirmations on myspace filled my need to hear positive things! Who knew you were such a psychologist!

We continued to discuss the affirmations & reassurance in greater detail. She’s a very strong-willed, independent woman, which you wouldn’t normally associate a need of such things- but as The Smiths would say, “She is human and she needs to be loved, just like everybody else does…” Sometimes we, as guys, forget that. We see our women through our own perception and forget that they have a perception of their own. A perception that doesn’t always align with our, often, more positive view.

With that on my mind this week, it caused me to be a bit more aggressively outspoken with Jules. Instead of saying something like, “Be quiet, you’re pretty” I upped it to, “I refuse to gangbang your body with hate speech” and variations thereof. It wasn’t until I straddled her on the bed and took pictures, while she yelled “No, not that angle, my chub!,” for her to see what I see.

Her reply, “Oh, okay… that one isn’t so bad.“

No more wrongful conjures in her head, just 320 x 240 vivid pixels from my phone that do not lie.

My friend is the girl in her boyfriend’s music video, “Cut.” It’s from a 7-song EP he just released (Listen @ CDBaby or iTunes). This song reminds me of the mood that Gary Jules’, “Mad World” sets when I hear it- both are wonderfully bittersweet to me.

The video was made by stop-motion, using 1535 photos taken by a Nikon D70s.

I’ve just been in that mood lately. Love, friendships, life, etc… Playing by Heart is one of those films that do it for me.

Click “Play All” to watch the whole movie.

“I have a friend, a jazz musician, trumpet player. Really terrific. And I go and hear him jam every month or so. And he plays this piece I love: an old Chet Baker song. And he blows the same notes every time, but every time it sounds different.

And we had drinks one night– when I used to drink– and I tried to tell him how that song made me feel… how the music made me feel and how his playing made me feel.

And he just kept shakin’ his head, and he said… “Joan, you can’t talk about music. Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”

I just said, “Well, gonna get all philosophical on me. It’s just as pointless as talking about a lot of things. Love, for instance.”

And my friend laughed, and he said, “Definitely. Most definitely. Talking about love is like dancing about architecture.”

So I don’t know. He might be right. But it ain’t gonna stop me from trying.”

I was reading about Philip K. Dick and his writings tonight and came across one of his quotes.

“I want to write about people I love, and put them into a fictional world spun out of my own mind, not the world we actually have, because the world we actually have does not meet my standards.“

In many of his stories he touches on drug use (prescribed & illegal), one of which hit home with me- A Scanner Darkly (watch on YouTube).

At the end of the movie (watch) he dedicated the story to people he knew and loved in his life- all of whom had died or been destoryed by various drugs.

“In memoriam, these were comrades whom I had; there are no better. They remain in my mind, and the enemey will never be forgiven. The ‘enemy’ was their mistake in playing. Let them play again, in some other way, and let them be happy.“

With so many people he loved losing their way in life to a chemical creation, I couldn’t imagine the demons he dealt with. I don’t want to have to, but moreso, I don’t want to be the one my loved ones need to watch.

I’ve been on that side of it, but even in the numbness of playing, I never thought I’d be there forever. Like a coma patient who could hear, but unable to speak, I always knew what would eventually come about.

The title, A Scanner Darkly, is a reference to a passage in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13, which states:

“For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

Now, in my adult years, I know that I’m the one who’s supposed to spin the playground for those I love, to play in, to be happy in, like I did as a child.

This time, I’ll write with a darker shade than words.

There is something immensely depressing about two people working 40 hour jobs and not making a living.

“I breathed our love into existence in the morning blur. By noon, the sun shed enough light to show us our mistake.“

-M. Wade Nichols

I just have to say, out of frustration from watching too much TV, that sexuality is in the face.

So many women out there have wonderful (or decent) bodies that are ruined with empty eyes and generic smiles. There are far more attractive bodies out there than there are those that can level you with a smile or look.

Please, men & women, respect what will last through time

Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and
before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

“People say jumping in is the key.”
“No, it’s what you jump into that decides how good it feels.“

-M. Wade Nichols