“I found myself waiting for the sparkle in your eyes to burst into flames, igniting a warmth reminiscent of a passion that melted two hearts into one. Instead, you blinked.“
-M. Wade Nichols

“My roots grow wide, not deep.“
-M. Wade Nichols

“Friends are like light. They set the horizon of your foreseeable possibilities.“
-M. Wade Nichols

“We don’t grow up. We grow into & out of things.“
-M. Wade Nichols

“The present is the singularity where personal potential turns into memories.“
-M. Wade Nichols

“Oddities are harvested with a timely hand & tasted with a tongue that understands.“

-M. Wade Nichols

“I’m the one who died from the safety net and the one who never wanted it.“
-M. Wade Nichols

“The lack of, or effort toward action, is but a fraction of what happens.“
-M. Wade Nichols

“I choose coffee over tea, because without a vice, there is nothing wrong with me.“
-M. Wade Nichols

“I wish I could see in black & white or think in shades of grey, but I rage with red, cry in blue & know 59 others by name.“
-M. Wade Nichols

I was reading about Philip K. Dick and his writings tonight and came across one of his quotes.

“I want to write about people I love, and put them into a fictional world spun out of my own mind, not the world we actually have, because the world we actually have does not meet my standards.“

In many of his stories he touches on drug use (prescribed & illegal), one of which hit home with me- A Scanner Darkly (watch on YouTube).

At the end of the movie (watch) he dedicated the story to people he knew and loved in his life- all of whom had died or been destoryed by various drugs.

“In memoriam, these were comrades whom I had; there are no better. They remain in my mind, and the enemey will never be forgiven. The ‘enemy’ was their mistake in playing. Let them play again, in some other way, and let them be happy.“

With so many people he loved losing their way in life to a chemical creation, I couldn’t imagine the demons he dealt with. I don’t want to have to, but moreso, I don’t want to be the one my loved ones need to watch.

I’ve been on that side of it, but even in the numbness of playing, I never thought I’d be there forever. Like a coma patient who could hear, but unable to speak, I always knew what would eventually come about.

The title, A Scanner Darkly, is a reference to a passage in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13, which states:

“For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

Now, in my adult years, I know that I’m the one who’s supposed to spin the playground for those I love, to play in, to be happy in, like I did as a child.

This time, I’ll write with a darker shade than words.

“Ignore the lesser evils in the spirit of a greater good. For in the end only one will be left standing- and I prefer a united us, to a divided loneliness.“

-M. Wade Nichols

“I breathed our love into existence in the morning blur. By noon, the sun shed enough light to show us our mistake.“

-M. Wade Nichols

“I have to laugh at my situation to keep from crying.“

-M. Wade Nichols

“I got rid of it when I found things worth dying for.“

-M. Wade Nichols